


What Else Have I to Give?

by QueenEgg



Series: Kingdom Eternal (or, the Twin Heirs AU) [4]
Category: Hollow Knight (Video Game)
Genre: (and physically), Minor Angst, Other, Quirrel Suffers Emotionally, The Royal Retainers make an appearance, depending on how you look at it, dont worry it gets better, the pale king sucks even in death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-31 12:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12132360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEgg/pseuds/QueenEgg
Summary: In the wake of his return to Hallownest, Quirrel struggles with his feelings for a certain knight, and other things too.





	1. Awareness is an Art Form

**Author's Note:**

> This is a direct sequel to my [other fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11752785), so maybe read that one first or you might be a bit lost?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to write characters without projecting onto them.

Quirrel never thought that the time would ever come where he would be escorted to-and-from the archives by an impressive- and might he say  _ stunning _ -knight every day. But here he was. Ghost’s familiar presence at his side was a balm that soothed the pain that came with returning to his teacher’s former dwelling repeatedly. After situating himself in Hallownest anew, Quirrel decided to participate in the rebuilding of the once mighty kingdom at Queen Hornet’s request. It was also under her orders that Quirrel now had Ghost as his escort.

She’d said that she simply didn’t want him vanishing again, but if that were the case, why not assign a common guard? No, he was sure she had an ulterior motive. His theory was only further proved by the fact that Ghost refused to leave him even when he was sleeping. When Quirrel retired to rest, Ghost would wait outside his hut on the far shore of the Blue Lake until he woke. Quirrel wasn’t even sure if his friend slept at all while guarding him, though if they were fatigued they never showed any sign of it.

After arriving at the archives, Ghost would sit quietly and wait for Quirrel to finish with his work, or they’d follow him and assist in researching and re-organizing the fragile tubes that held a vast majority of once-forgotten knowledge. In only a few short weeks since returning, many of his old habits began to reappear. Quirrel occasionally caught himself mumbling while studying. It was embarrassing enough when he noticed, but even more so when he realized that when Ghost was nearby, they’d pause whatever they were doing to listen to him ramble. Now, as soon as he became aware of his own words drifting through the air, he’d look around to see if they were around, which was more often than not.

If he were being honest, his friend’s new appearance was something that took him less time to get accustomed to than he was expecting. The last time Quirrel saw them before his unplanned departure was when they were only about half his height. Now, Ghost towered over him even when they were hunched over and the pale, curved crest of their horns cast a striking figure that made his breath catch.

Quirrel didn’t want to admit it, but having Ghost nearby so often was starting to make it hard for him to focus.

He’d never felt such emotions before, but now that they were big enough to lift him into their arms without an ounce of effort, he found his mind wandering towards them regularly. The strength they held, their skill with a nail, their ability to convey subtle emotions without a single word- they were all traits that Quirrel found admirable, or attractive even. It was also becoming increasingly apparent that wherever Quirrel was, Ghost would follow. He supposed that even without Hornet’s order, they’d only be a step behind him regardless of what their sister said.

The sentiment was enough to make him blush.

But, that didn’t mean the constant reminder of these feelings couldn’t be somewhat...  _ inconvenient _ .

“Ghost, dear, could you grab me the tube on tram stations from the architecture section? It should be just over-” Quirrel turned around to point to where the information cache was stored only to see Ghost’s face right in front of him, the vial already in their gentle grip. “A-ah, that’s the one. Thank you, my dear.” Quirrel took the fragile object from their hand and began to read through the words stored within, doing his best to ignore how warm his face had gotten upon noticing their close proximity.

“It’s so incredibly fascinating how the trams were constructed! Those who inhabited these caverns before the settlement of Hallownest must have been so technologically advanced. I would’ve loved to study how they came up with the power sources for these machines, it’s completely unlike soul or even the energy found within Crystal Peak.” Enthralled by the knowledge within, Quirrel slipped into a familiar trance, the rest of the world fading from focus as he devoted all his attention to the information presented before him.


	2. We're Back to Page One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keep it together, Quirrel...

Sometime later, Quirrel had thoroughly exhausted all the recorded texts on Hallownest’s main methods of transportation. Several tubes littered the floor around him, and the one with the longest, most detailed explanations had been saved for last. It had taken him several hours to get through the thorough wording, but the instructions inside were invaluable. The possibilities he’d just researched could easily be put to use with Hornet’s help. There was even a chance of salvaging the wreckage of the failed tramway in Deepnest with some effort. Such glorious ideas for the future!

Feeling his limbs creak with disuse, Quirrel attempted to stretch only to find his movements restricted by a pair of arms around his midsection. Looking up, he was surprised to find Ghost asleep against his shoulder. While he was reading, they had deftly moved him from his former place on the floor and into their lap. Now he was trapped in their relaxed embrace, their mask dipping forward as they rested. Quirrel made a few feeble attempts to extract himself from their grasp, but each time he failed to move without jostling them, their grip tightened. Soon, he could barely move at all.

Stuck in Ghost’s clutches, Quirrel figured that he had only himself to blame. Perhaps if he didn’t get so carried away in his readings, this wouldn’t have happened. Despite that, he couldn’t help but feel secure in the taller bug’s embrace. They held him like he was something precious. Although he had seen their incredible strength even in their smaller form, they’d never once caused him harm, even by accident.

Reaching forward, Quirrel set the softly glowing cache aside and relaxed against Ghost’s chest. He marveled as they let out a silent breath in their sleep, shifting slightly to get more comfortable even as they kept Quirrel in their arms. There wasn’t any harm in letting them rest a moment. In fact, it gave him some more time to reflect.

What did he want from Ghost? They were a good friend, and although their silence was a barrier in their communication, they were more than expressive enough in their body language for him to understand the general message. Ghost was an incredible warrior, strong enough to best all their foes, yet kind enough to grant mercy to those who deserved it. To him, they were flawless.

He knew it was wrong to idolize them in such a way, but he couldn’t help but try to rationalize exactly why he wouldn’t let himself confess the feelings already simmering just below the surface. What could he offer them that was of any value? Quirrel had only ever been truly useful to his mentor once, and he’d lost all his memories in the process. Even with all his doubts, he also knew that he couldn’t leave them in any capacity. Their emotional upheaval at seeing him again had said that much.

Was there anything he could give Ghost that would prove his loyalty? His devotion?

Such things were to be held outside his grasp, it seemed. Although distracted by his own thoughts, he wasn’t so lost that he couldn’t feel the distinct movements of Ghost waking up. Quirrel tried to keep still as they shook the last remnants of sleep from their frame, though his efforts were thwarted as they lifted him up with them as they stood. He yelped as they held him under one arm while using the other to pick up and re-sort the tubes he had been reading.

“G-ghost! I don’t think this is necessary-!” Craning his gaze upward, he saw their mask angled towards him. Despite their inability to emote visually, Quirrel knew they were giving him a look that likely meant ‘ _You’ve done enough work for today, so don’t fight it’_. In any case, he relaxed and let them carry him out of the archives as they held him close to their chest.

As soon as Ghost stepped outside, Quirrel knew that something was wrong. The feeling of foreboding that began to buzz beneath the plates of his shell was amplified when Hornet swung down from someplace above them and landed in front of the two, her needle at the ready.

“Ghost- and...Quirrel.” Hornet paused at the sight of her sibling carrying the shorter scholarly bug in their arms before regaining her composure. “You are both headed home, are you not?” Ghost nodded and took a step back as Hornet sheathed her weapon as she swept past them. “I will accompany you.” Her tone left no room for argument, and Quirrel felt some remorse as he was set down, forcing him to hasten to keep up with the siblings’ longer strides.

“Pardon my curiosity, but why are you here? Not that I’m not happy to see you-” Quirrel’s inquiry was halted as Hornet held up a hand in front of his face. Taking it as a cue to wait, he settled for walking in silence until the group had reached his home by the lake. Once there, he was forced to watch the two speak in their strange, silent way of conversation for a few moments, before Ghost turned sharply to look in his direction, tension filling their frame. His apprehension only grew when Hornet moved to stand before him.

“My apologies, Scholar Quirrel, but I have arrived only to deliver what my sibling considers unfortunate news, as I require them to accompany me for a time. A few of the Pale King’s followers have re-emerged from whatever cracks they vanished to after his disappearance and are beginning to cause dissent.” Hornet’s voice was acidic as she spoke, and Quirrel had to stop himself from giving in to the urge to loosen his hood from around his head as the usually comforting snugness became suffocating. “My guard and I can deal with most of them, but I would like for this situation to be rectified as soon as possible. I assume you understand the importance?” He couldn’t remember saying anything but he must have agreed because almost immediately after, Hornet gave a short bow.

“If all goes well, we will have the leader of this group apprehended within a day or less. I shall have them returned to your side before long, so fret not,” she said. Quirrel hoped that his reluctance wasn’t showing even as a familiar weight was pressed into his hands. Looking down sharply, he realized he’d been given a nail and glanced up at Hornet questioningly. Seeing his confusion, she tilted her head back towards Ghost. “I told them you would be fine without their supervision, but they insisted that you be given something to protect yourself with while they are away. Since you have yet to reclaim your old weapon, I am lending you one of my own.”

Smothering the surprise and minute affection he felt at the admission, Quirrel returned her bow and held the nail at his side. With the conversation apparently over, the two siblings began to head for the elevator, but not before Ghost paused to gather up Quirrel into one more gentle embrace. Letting himself indulge in the contact for a moment, he mumbled a soft, “Do come back safely for me, dear?” and watched as they nodded enthusiastically before trailing after Hornet.

It was a while before Quirrel stopped staring at the place where he’d last seen Ghost’s cloak before it vanished around the corner, and suddenly overcome with fatigue, he stepped into his hut. After setting down his borrowed weapon, Quirrel curled up in the nest of reeds that he’d fashioned into a makeshift bed, and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.


	3. This is not the Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The next morning, Quirrel took up the nail Hornet had given him and left his hut feeling shakier than usual. Every little noise he heard on his way to the archive left him more and more unsettled. After the revelation that the former king’s worshippers had returned, he’d felt unsteady. However, without Ghost at his side, he couldn’t bring himself to feel any sort of ease. It was strange realizing how quickly he’d grown to depend on them for stability.

Upon arriving at the archives, Quirrel did something he hadn’t ever done before, and locked the gates behind him.

Perhaps it was a foolish notion, but the paranoid sensation persisted until he had double, triple, quadruple checked the integrity of the fine metal door separating him from the outside world. Then, in another unheard of act, Quirrel released the last of the captive uomas, oomas, and lumaflies that had remained in the archive’s storage. He watched as their floating, translucent forms drifted to join the others, forming a thick wall of jelly-like beings that would- at the very least -slow down any would be intruders and give Quirrel time to prepare for any assault.

Selecting a few tubes at random, Quirrel sequestered himself in a darkened corner of the archive, farthest away from the swarm of explosive and electric creatures occupying the center of the building. He tried in vain to focus on the texts but the discomfort in his chest brought with it a restlessness he couldn’t shake off. Every moment he spent attempting to comprehend the information in the caches was interrupted by his own anxiety and longing.

It was selfish to even consider it, but he wished that Ghost could have stayed. The more rational part of his mind tried to tell him he was being foolish and clingy, but at the same time, Hornet was a more than adept fighter. Under her, the guard of Hallownest’s capital had recovered from its formerly ruinous state to a force to be reckoned with. What need did they have for Ghost besides an extra nail with which to fight?

In any case, there was nothing he could do about it now except wait for Ghost to return and do his best to study the materials Monomon had left him after her passing. His mentor may have been gone, but her lessons remained. After a few deep breaths, Quirrel felt calm enough to try again. This time, the words drew him in just as before. Quirrel forced himself to read slowly and thoroughly even though he wanted to rush ahead. The sooner the day was over, the sooner he could go home, and if Hornet’s estimation was correct, Ghost would return to him by morning.

Such hopes kept him going until he became aware of the time. His strategy had apparently worked  _ too _ well, for it was now hours past the time he and Ghost would usually return home. As he ascended through the archives, Quirrel noted just how many uomas and oomas he’d need to re-contain on his next visit. A small part of him regretted freeing the lumaflies- it was always harder to catch them the second time around -but accepted the consequences of his actions with an easy sigh. The grinding sound of the archive gate opening once more made him shudder, but as he made the trip back to the lake, Quirrel felt lighter.

He’d finally decided.

Once Ghost came back, he would tell them. Quirrel was determined to lay his soul bare before them in hopes that they too would return his affections. If they didn’t, then he would respect their decision, but first, he had to at least try.

So consumed by his thoughts was he, that Quirrel didn’t notice there were other bugs around him until he’d almost passed the threshold that separated the newly repaired section of the crossroads and the blue lake. Darting behind a wall, he watched as the group three dressed in white cloaks tore through his hut. Absentmindedly, he was relieved that he’d never spend enough time in the building to develop a true attachment to it as they ravaged the small structure.

“You didn’t find anything?” one of them inquired in a voice that grated like a nail on rock. “Nothing useful at all?”

Another poked their head out from beneath what Quirrel assumed was the remains of his bed. “No! What kind of scholar doesn’t keep scholarly things in his house?” they hissed.

The third- a bug bigger than all the others, wielding a well polished greatnail -used their weapon to lazily sift through the remains of Quirrel’s former home. “One that doesn’t study in his own den, I suppose. Did the others ever find the dreamer’s archive?” Feeling his breath shutter, Quirrel was reminded of Monomon’s insistence that her place of work remain a secret to all who were not students or royalty. The madame’s odd request might not have made sense before, but it did now.

“If there isn’t anything worth taking here, why don’t we go look somewhere else? Our King’s traitorous spawn has recruited one of those shadowy abominations to accompany her entourage. Last I heard, they took out most of us in a single night! They’ll be looking for those who remain, and I doubt they’ll show as much mercy to us as our beloved Lord did to the sorry inhabitants of this realm.” The bug’s words were bitter and raspy, but upon hearing them call Ghost an abomination, Quirrel’s vision blurred.

Tightening his grip around the hilt of his nail, he turned to head down to the city elevator. If he hurried, he could alert the guard before the the vanished king’s followers left, but before he could run back the way he came, he was stopped as another one of the pale bugs appeared before him. In an instant, he brought his nail up just as they struck out. The force from the blow pushed him into the clearing, and it was with a sinking feeling that Quirrel realized he was surrounded by heretics.

Glancing around him, he watched as the others drew their weapons. It was at a time like this that he was forced to remember his lack of practice in the art of the nail. He didn’t know if he would be able to win this fight. His best option was escape. Yet as the bugs around him drew closer, their nails at the ready, he was beginning to realize that may not be possible.

“What’s a kingdom bug doing all the way out here?” The big one leered at Quirrel in a way that made him shiver with disgust. “I don’t suppose you know of the one who lives here, do you?” Forcing himself not to respond, he held his weapon higher as the supposed leader of the group scoffed.

“If you don’t know where the last scholar is, then you’re useless to us.” With a nod of their head, they stepped back and let the lesser members of their group stand to face him. Panic flooded in as one of the bugs dashed towards him. As Quirrel struggled to parry their strikes, another charged for him. Leaping out of the way, he clung to the wall momentarily and tried to look for a way out.

One of his assailants was blocking the path back to the crossroads, and though he hated to admit it, he wasn’t the best swimmer, so trying to get across to the lake to the other side wasn’t an option either. In the back of his mind, he lamented how this encounter was completely unlike his previous experience with Ghost. This was no enemy from his memories. They had no soft membranes to pierce or slow movements to predict. His teacher’s lessons couldn’t help him here.

Jumping back into the fray, he landed behind one of the pale followers and swung his nail in an arc across their back that left them shrieking in pain. Their companion attempted to retaliate, but despite his inexperience, even Quirrel could tell that they were unpracticed. Their uneven movements left many openings, and after a few seconds of dodging their reckless jabs, he got in a glancing blow that knocked the weapon out of his opponent’s hands. With a swift kick, Quirrel launched their nail into the water as they scurried away.

As he attempted to catch his breath, a movement in the corner of his eye had him tensing in preparation once more. The largest bug had ceased their idling, and Quirrel saw them unsheathe their weapon from their back a mere second before they came at him with a speed that he hadn’t expected. It took all of his efforts to block their powerful strikes with his nail, and the swiftness of their attacks left no opportunity to counter.

With a panicked glance, Quirrel realized he was being pushed closer towards the water. His parries became frantic as he fought harder against his foe. It was only when an unearthly shriek tore through the air did he receive a reprieve, both him and his assailant looking back towards the entrance of the cavern to see the bug that had been guarding the exit pinned to the ground by a familiar form.

The red of Hornet’s cloak stood out like a beacon of hope against the blue of their surroundings, but the figure ahead of her- coated in a thin layer of shadows and soul -was the one who caught Quirrel’s attention the most. Ghost scanned their surroundings, and Quirrel almost thought he heard them make a noise of surprise.

In that same moment, he remembered the presence of the bug in front of him. Though even as he stepped back, it was too late for him to avoid the fury of their last, desperate swipe as their nail that tore through his hood and broke his mask apart over his right eye. Quirrel’s subsequent gasp of shock and pain only served to worsen the situation as he fell into the lake, his lungs flooding with cold water.

Dimly, he was aware of the world growing darker around him. It wasn’t the same as the pleasant dark of restful sleep, or the sweeping black of Ghost’s sturdy shell. This darkness was all encompassing,  _ suffocating _ .

While the light faded from his vision, Quirrel tried to keep the tall warrior in his mind.

If anything, he was sorry that they had to see this. After all, he hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell them...


	4. All I can Offer is This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you're still alive?

He hadn’t expected to wake again. The aftermath of the attack, falling in the water, the dark surrounding him, a slim arm reaching out beneath the surface-

_-work? waiting waiting waiting hopestillhere notgonecanfeel-!_

Quirrel shot up and immediately regretted the movement as his entire head was filled with a sharp, stabbing pain. His vision was blurred terribly, but even with his sight impaired, he couldn’t mistake the towering form before him.

“Ghost? Are you-” There was a soft gasp from somewhere nearby, but Quirrel forgot all about the noise as he was deftly pulled into a familiar embrace. Reaching up, he could feel the smooth surface of Ghost’s mask and the wetness of tears sliding down his fingertips. “-oh no, dearest, don’t cry. It’s quite ironic, actually. I told you to be safe, but I couldn’t do the same for myself. There now, I’m still here, aren’t I?” Ghost heaved out a sigh but only drew closer to him, leaning into his touch.

“In all truth, you almost weren’t.” Quirrel jumped slightly in Ghost’s arms as his gaze shifted to a blurry red shape that he assumed was Hornet. After a few more moments, he could make out most of her cloak, the pale white of her mask catching the light off the water’s surface. “My sibling did something incredibly reckless and foolish to bring you back from the brink of death.”

Quirrel forced himself not to pull away when he felt her hand skim where the greatnail had sliced his mask and face apart with ease. Hornet’s touch was surprisingly gentle as she examined the place of former injury, and he wondered whether or not she’d-

“I must admit, it’s quite remarkable...” Hornet’s words forced him back into the present, and as the Queen of Hallownest slowly came further into focus, Quirrel wondered what had just occurred between them. “What Ghost did for you, I cannot explain it in terms your kind can understand, but I know they gave up something of themselves-”

_sharedpieceofshadesbroken giftandcurseofvoid forhim forlovemine!_

Quirrel looked up in surprise at the odd voice ringing inside his mind, the blurriness of his sight and sudden motion bringing a rush of nausea forward. “Who- is there someone else here?”

His uneasy tone had Ghost curling their arms further around him while Hornet paused to scan their surroundings briefly. “My guards took the survivors captive and took them back to the city.” There was a soft rustling as she lowered herself to kneel beside her sibling. “Only the three of us are left in this room, Quirrel.”

“Wait, survivors? Which one...?” Hornet made a pensive noise at his inquiry.

“To put it lightly, Ghost did not respond positively to you being attacked. There was neither corpse nor ash left of them to dispose in the wake of their fury. The ruthlessness they displayed was unlike anything I have seen from them before.” Should he be feeling flattered at such an admission? Perhaps not. However, that did nothing to stop the warmth that blossomed in his chest at the thought.

_defendprotectsavelove? lovehurtgiveall keepsafekeepsafe_

Again, the odd- words? No, feelings -flitted through his head. They were gone before he could focus on them, but the meanings he understood. Looking up, he caught Ghost watching him intently as the endlessly shifting darkness behind their mask seemed to swallow his thoughts whole.

“-irrel? Ghost, stop that. He isn’t strong enough to comprehend it yet.” Hornet’s chiding broke him out of his trance and for a brief moment, Quirrel felt like he had been connected with Ghost in a way he’d never experienced before.

In a second, exhaustion filled his body and sapped the strength from his limbs. Letting himself go limp, Quirrel rested against Ghost’s chest. Before he could properly doze off, he felt Hornet deftly tie something around his head, and reached up to feel the soft fabric of his hood against his fingers. Too tired to vocalize his question, he looked at her expectantly.

Glancing away, she made a vague motion towards her needle. “It fell off when- well... I mended it for you.” Quirrel thought he might have let out a mumbled ‘thank you’ but at that point he wasn’t so sure. Although his sight had regained its clarity, the world was beginning to blur once more. In the distance, Hornet’s voice rang out softly in the vast cavern.

“Will he complain about staying with you until his home is repaired? I doubt it. You shouldn’t worry so much. I’ll meet you both back at the spire.” Hornet’s cloak shrank to a speck in the distance as she shot away on her thread. For Quirrel, the rest of the world lost focus as his mind drifted away from his surroundings. Slowly, his thoughts directed themselves towards the being who was now standing and carrying him away from the lake while his memories of before the incident resurfaced. There had been something he’d wanted to say before-

“Dearest, if you’ll let me honest for a just moment?” Ghost made no sound but he could feel their attention on him, his face growing warm in response. “You’re the most remarkable thing I’ve ever seen, and although I know I haven’t much to offer a being as spectacular as you, I’d gladly offer up my heart if you’d accept it...”

Quirrel wasn’t expecting a verbal answer, with the sensation of Ghost holding him tighter and the gentle press of their face against his saying more than words ever could.

An echo of a thought made from pure emotion passed through him briefly. By now he could tell that particular feeling wasn’t his, and his hand came up once more to cradle the side of Ghost’s mask. Quirrel knew what they wanted to hear.

“ _Of course I love you too._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally done!

**Author's Note:**

> More to come for this AU!!


End file.
